Setbacks

I started writing a post last night about my tendency to plan whole lives on the smallest bit of ground. I had a promising job interview yesterday morning, and last night, I spent hours dreaming about what my life would be like in this new place. And this morning, I woke to an email informing me that they had chosen another candidate.

I got some nice feedback. They chose a candidate with more experience teaching AP classes since the school is heavily invested in the program, and that's completely fair and such a disappointment. The lack of experience rejection is one of the hardest because how can I get the experience if I'm not given the chance? This is especially frustrating when I apply to IB schools. The curriculum is really not that different from any other. There are huge tests to prepare for, but the skills remain the same, and I'm fucking amazing at teaching these skills. I am a fucking great teacher!

But so are lots of other people. And patience and hope are hard. And I am so grateful that if I don't find a job for the next school year, I still have a place to live. I could probably get a teaching job in my hometown with no trouble, but that's not what I want for my life which means it might be hard for the next year or so. It's hard to give myself permission to keep looking instead of grabbing the first bit of whatever is offered.

I had a hard moment of regret that I've given my notice here in Minsk, but even if things are "safe" here next year, I don't have the capacity to support these kids the way they will need, and I don't have the support *I* need to continue here. It's okay to be honest with myself about this.

Still sucks, though.