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Whew! I survived 2020, thanks in no small part to my friends (especially my amazing pocket friends) and fandom. In addition to getting through some really tough and lonely times, I was actually really productive. I signed up for Get Your Words Out with the writing habit goal of writing for 240 days this year. Final tally? Three hundred one days! The habit tracker was really helpful because there were days when I couldn’t get actual prose on paper, but I could outline and make notes, which helped ease anxiety about being creative. This, plus several writing challenges I did starting in October, brought my official word count to 195,796.

😳😳😳😳😳😳

Yeah. This is my AO3 official word count. I am half tempted to knock out another 4,000 to get up to 200K, but I don’t have an idea just now. I have a WIP I might poke at, but I also have a few shows I want to watch. And this is just the AO3 word count. I wrote a lot on WIPs that haven’t been published yet, so I’m just going to be proud of myself for what I achieved. Plus, according to AO3, my 2019 word count was 56,796, so yeah. I’m just gonna bask in that sweet, sweet glow of growth!

And seriously, fandom, particularly MDZS/Untamed and Guardian, saved my sanity this year. Interacting with y’all about these characters and worlds has been so fun, and I’m really looking forward to more fandom joy in 2021.

Looking back at this year in general, I’m incredibly grateful to have the support of amazing friends and family. I’m grateful that my health continues to be good (knocking on all the wood). I’m grateful that a turn in my career, one that I didn’t plan on or particularly want, has turned out to be really rewarding despite the hardships. I’m grateful for the internet for allowing online schooling, even though I really, really hate it. It’s not nearly as good as in-person school overall, but I’m so grateful it’s there and that I’ve learned a lot of new skills through teaching online.

I’m also grateful to come through this year with my general stubborn optimism intact. I’m looking forward to more good things in 2021, even if I can’t quite imagine what they might be.

Happy New Year, chums. Please come by and tell me some of the good things you have or things you are grateful for or hopeful for in the new year.

PS Thank you to the anonymous person who sent me some points for DW. I’m not sure what to do with them, but I appreciate so much that someone was thinking about me.
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It is a truth universally acknowledged, that if people know you are a writer, you will be gifted a million and a half blank notebooks. And if you are a writer like me, with an unhealthy love of stationery, you will buy another half-million yourself. I have a love of Japanese A4 notebooks, but I also scrounge random spiral notebooks and composition books from random places. It's a sickness, but it is one for which I will not seek a cure.

But what to do with all those gifted notebooks? Especially if they come from someone you care about and don't want to risk offending by regifting the notebook? I don't keep a regular journal -- I'm more than happy to blabber about feelings online. I do, however, love lists, and so I have begun to use my notebooks as commonplace books.

A commonplace book is a notebook in which a person writes down all the random shit they think is important -- quotations, lists of things (like books read or potential story titles), ideas to be fleshed out at a later date, etc, etc, etc. I actually started one in high school, although I didn't know it was called a commonplace book, and I wrote down profound quotes from whatever I read, as well as puns and bad pick up lines my friend Nicole and I came up with. I don't have that journal anymore. I threw away all my high school and college journals during a particularly rough time, and I don't regret it, even though it was an emotional decision. I had moved house five times in as many years and was tired of hauling shit around. I'll probably toss the majority of my journals the next time I move, but for now, I'm using a purple notebook with a fox as a quote and story title repository, a Thor Moleskine with notes about teaching, and a notebook with a black cat for this school year's meeting notes. Which are mostly random doodles.

I'll leave you with the most recent entry in my quotes notebook.

From when I first opened my eyes I've known that my place isn't where I am, but where I'm not and never have been. Somewhere there's an empty place, and that emptiness will be filled with me and I'll sit in that hole that will seemlessly teem with me, bubble with me until it turns into a fountain or a geyser. And then my emptiness, the emptiness of the me that I now am, will fill up with itself, full to the brim with being.

I'm in a hurry to be. I run behind myself, behind my place, behind my hole. Who has reserved this place for me? What is my fate's name? Who and what is that which moves me and who and what awaits my arrival to complete itself and complete me? I don't know. I'm in a hurry. Though I don't move from my chair, though I don't get out of bed. Though I turn and turn in my cage. Nailed by a name, a gesture, a tic, I move and remove. This house, these friends, these countries, these hands, this mouth, these letters that form this image that without warning has come unstuck from I don't know where and has hit me across the chest, these are not my place. Neither this nor that is my place.


--excerpt from Hurry by Octavio Paz

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