wrote_and_writ | Entries tagged with tales from clown school

If you bet on the end of my time at Clown School having a smooth ending, you'd have bet incorrectly. Well, to be fair, it was pretty smooth for me. Classes ended the Friday before the last week of the month (and my contract), but we still had to come to work for the last week in order to be paid and not be in breach of contract. It was so boring. I had about half a day of work I could do on Monday, finalizing grades and such, but then I was done and just had to sit there. For four and a half days. On Wednesday, one of my fellow performers and I had a reading and snack party. We brought snacks (to be fair, she brought the most since she brought a lot of cut-up fruit and made hummus and brought chips and salsa, and I brought cheese and crackers) and sat on the sofas in the staff room and read all day. But we made it to Friday and I got the last signature needed on my checkout form at like 4:09 PM (check-out time was 4:10 PM).

I could have flown home the next day, but I didn't trust the ringleader not to fuck with my last check, so I waited until the day after payday to come home. The checks were deposited just before noon -- they have to do everything manually, and it's so distressing. Well, I'm not sure if they have to do the payroll deposits manually -- as in, our HR lady goes to the bank in person -- because it's a Taiwan thing or because it's a Clown School thing. I'm betting on the latter since they seem to go out of their way to do everything in the most convoluted manner possible. This is nerve-wracking because I HAD to transfer my funds to my US bank account because I can't withdraw any cash when I'm in the US. I can only use my card for purchases, but I need cash for my move in August, and Taiwanese banks close to the public at 3 PM. I am SO glad my next school has a setup to automatically split my salary between my local and home accounts. ANYWAY, I dropped off my scooter at school because one of my coworkers was going to buy it from me, and he told me that he would not be returning to the school in the fall. He is teaching a summer school class, but that's it, and good for him! They strung him along for MONTHS. The ringleader told him to his face that they would offer him a contract even though they thought he was a terrible teacher and they were actively looking for a better teacher. Turns out they couldn't find another teacher (mayhaps because the Circus has gained a Reputation?) and so during the last week of our current contract, they offered him another. They tried to sweet-talk him and offer him a bit of a pay raise (which is NOT part of the regular contract renewal), and ultimately he turned them down. He got a job at another school, which he did NOT tell the current circus since the ringleader has a bad habit of torpedoing staff who leave. She literally will call the new school to badmouth staff. It happened to my two friends who left in May last year. They had another job lined up, explained that they were leaving the circus due to constant harassment from the ringleader and STILL she managed to tank their jobs.

So for those keeping score at home, at the end of this year, 12 full-time teachers are set to return and 16 left. There are more part-time teachers in the mix, but some are local teachers that I never really saw. But ONE of those 16 was a surprise! Yesterday, the head of the art department texted me to say goodbye since I was leaving Taiwan that morning, and he told me that he had quit! I knew he wanted to quit because he'd been harassed mercilessly by the admin staff, including the ringleader and the AP, who was the bane of my existence last year. He had one year left on his contract and was actively looking for new work but hoped to be able to just finish. He was also teaching a summer school class. However, on Wednesday, something snapped. He got his paycheck and then after work, he just went to the airport and left. I don't know if he packed anything or abandoned his apartment as well, but he sent his resignation email from the airport.

The ringleader reacted in her predictably unhinged way. He sent me a copy of the email. In it, she threatened to use information they had on his family to track him down. They had "tried" to help him get visas for his family to join him but were unsuccessful which is why they have the information. Our contracts do have a penalty clause that says we have to pay a fee equivalent to two months' salary if we break our contract. It's almost certainly illegal, but since we sign it and since foreign workers are particularly vulnerable to this sort of thing since we can't stay and fight if we lose our residence permits, she's gotten away with having it in the contracts. However, the ringleader went further to say she would be contacting Korean police for help finding him. This is particularly unhinged since the teacher is NOT Korean, nor is his family, nor does he have any reason to go to Korea. The teacher told me he just laughed at that part. It's utterly insane.

So, that's the end of the Clown School Saga ... for now. I still have friends working there ... for now ... and they said they'd keep me up on the drama. I filled out my "exit interview" paper, which I'm sure no one will read, burned bridges with admin, and hope they all get exactly what they deserve.

Last night I had dinner with some friends/colleagues to say goodbye to our counselor, who, you may remember, was unceremoniously fired. Naturally, we are all disgruntled, so talk turned to the absolute shitshow of a circus we've been through, and the counselor had some tidbits to add by virtue of being in the office and hearing the MOST unhinged shit. I learned that Mayi, our AP, would regularly bash me in office staff meetings, the whole time she was being pleasant and supportive to my face. At this point I shouldn't be surprised that she is an absolute pile of shit (and not the kind that can be recycled into fertilizer). But I was still hoping she would somehow turn out to be a decent person. Alas. While I am not a psychologist, I truly believe that she and Ring Leader are absolutely textbook narcissists. They are utterly incapable of being swayed by logic or compassion. I've had dreams about dramatic things I'd like to say on my last day (or after I have my final paycheck), but it hit me that it would be like hitting a brick wall. It would have NO impact on them, but it would hurt my soul.

When we asked Counselor how she was doing, she said that while she hasn't even begun to process anything, she does know that she needs to leave her anger behind or she'll never be able to move forward. I need to take this advice to heart. It's absolutely useless to try and change the people who hurt me. If I want to wait for a genuine apology, I'll be waiting still when the heat death of the universe arrives. I am going to have to learn how to trust people again, and harder still, I'm going to have to learn to trust myself because I let a whole parade of red flags go by before I understood what my situation was. And I can't do any of that if I don't leave this place behind.

So! Turns out that our counselor told the Ring Leader she would be quitting at the end of the school year, and the Ring Leader just said, "Fuck you, you're fired now."

So now I'm really worried that once classes end, the Ring Leader will fire me so she doesn't have to fulfill the rest of my contract and pay me the full wage and airfare home.

Good times, good times.

The counselor just came around to our classrooms to tell us that she's quitting, effective immediately! I told her I was so proud of her, a little bit jealous, and really really happy. She is one of the staff members who bears the brunt of the Ring Leaders' abuse and tirades. As crappy as things are for teachers, we aren't often screamed at. I would have quit the moment she tried to shout at me if that had been the case.

I'm sure the Ring Leader has already spun this in her own mind -- you can't find good help, no one wants to work, no one can be responsible, etc. But really, she's fucked around (been a toxic, abusive, narcissistic asshole) and now she's finding out.

By my count, that's 12 staff members who have left or are leaving this year. So far. More than half of the foreign staff, and for a school that touts itself as an elite international school with an elite international staff, it's terrible news.

I do feel sorry for the students, but none of us are martyrs. We're here to do a job, and when that job no longer serves us, then we should go whenever we want.

Well well well. How the turn tables have...😂

I came into school today, prepared to essentially back the school into a position that I could quit and it would fully be on them, even if it wasn't technically against my contract. I reiterated that not telling me what was wrong when I could fix it and then punishing me was unethical, but that I also accepted I couldn't change anyone's mind. I would then like to meet with the department head to see what has been done for ESL, what the benchmarks for exiting are, etc. I FULLY expected to be stonewalled and set up as a scapegoat for failing students. I mean, I still fully expect to be a scapegoat, but here's the shock of the day for me.

They relented! Sort of! I am switching out my 7th-grade English for 6th-grade English, which is whatever. Still sucks because they are at the same time of the day, but I did teach 6th grade last year, and even though I have taught 7th grade before, it's been a while. I am absolutely not arguing further. I will look for some PD on grading because I'm not too arrogant to assume I don't have room to improve. And I need PD credits to recertify, so it won't be a waste of time.

I'm relieved that I don't have to go back home yet. Things at home are still hella rough. This way, I won't have a gap in paychecks or my resume to explain. And when I put the reason I left, I'm honest. It's due to philosophical differences.

It's still gonna be shitty. There is some garbage coming ahead. But having found my limit, I know I can pull the trigger at any time. Knowing that I don't have to stay makes it easier to be here for myself.

I really don't think the admin expected me to stand up for myself and to call them out on their BS, or to have receipts. I don't have any illusions that they will speak kindly of me when I go. The feeling will be entirely mutual.

Now. Please remind me to SAVE as much of my paychecks as I can over the next few months. I'm gonna need it.

I mean, the way these morons keep doubling down and revealing their ineptitude -- it is the very definition of absurd.

Ring Leader got in on the email chain. Most of it was the same BS spouted by everyone else, but she added a spicy new element. Apparently, the essays my students produced in the College Essay Writing Class last year (a class for writing college application essays, a class that lasts an ENTIRE YEAR) were the worst she has ever seen in her 16 years as a college counselor. She had to waste so much time having students re-write every one! Horror!

To which I replied, "It's really too bad you didn't tell me this LAST YEAR when I could have changed my plans. Lee told me that you were pleased with the essays, although as we have established, Lee doesn't like to tell people bad news."

Yeah.

Listen, my biggest fear is that when I leave this job, I will never have another opportunity for a good job again, that it will be such a black mark on my record that I'll be finished. I'm not worried about these clowns at all. And I'm starting to just feel sad for them. Well, for Lee and Mayi. If they were as good teachers as I believed, they wouldn't be stuck here, licking the boots of the Ring Leader.

Okay. It is Thanksgiving, so I'm going to focus on what I'm thankful for. I am thankful I have a place to go at the end of this. I'm so thankful for my friends at school, who have encouraged me to be the best version of myself and who recognize the good that is already in me. I'm thankful for the wonderful kiddos I've gotten to teach because I am certain that I've taught (most of) them at least something. And despite the heat and humidity, I've enjoyed living in Taiwan. It's not an opportunity that many people get, and I'm thankful for it.

Well, I got an official email, via the associate principal, stating that the school would not be changing its decision, that it was a unanimous decision from the admin team, and that it stemmed from serious concerns about my gradebook. Here's a salient quote from the email: Parents have expressed concern to the academic office about this disparity, one that cannot clearly explain fully to their satisfaction. Neither can I as a teacher of subjects that are connected (Honors English I and Honors Expository Writing I).

Ignoring the poor grammar from the vaunted professional teacher, the important thing to note is that NO ONE FUCKING ASKED ME!!!!! NO ONE ASKED ME TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING!!!

So fuck them. I am generously not being fired, just having my schedule changed. I'm not even going to ask if they want to talk about my policies now, which won't change just because my schedule has changed. They can fucking deal with it. I mean, if they aren't going to address these "serious issues," then how do they think I will change?

I mean, obviously, they don't.

I wrote a professional response, reiterating my concern that they didn't bother to address these concerns with me and informing them that I had filed an official complaint with the accrediting body that is looking at our school. I also privately emailed Mayi, who had been so kind until now. It's petty, but I politely called her a backstabbing bitch. I mean, she told me that she had been basically driven out of a previous school for similar reasons and how hurtful that was for her. She had to leave the Philippines because she could no longer find work in the international schools there. I asked her how she could turn around and do the same thing to me?

And then, just to twist the knife, I told her that Jin would be ashamed of her. She's a big-time ARMY, and Jin is her bias.

(And look, this isn't a good look for me, but I'm hurt and feeling judgey -- she is so weird about it! Like her Instagram reposts photos of them and comments on the photos like she's their mom and they are saying encouraging "Mother, you can do it!" messages -- and I mean it's fine. We all cope with life in a lot of different ways, and I have a MUCH darker thought about her behavior that I am going to just try and get out of my head privately because I may be hurt but I am not cruel and I'm not going to let my hurt make me behave cruelly, but UGH).

In the professional email, I said I would let them know in a timely manner if my decision to stay changed. Timely is going to be Thursday afternoon, the last day of Semester One.

Yesterday (Monday, November 20), my department head (DH) emailed me with my new schedule. It's a done deal. At the end, he wrote, "We can meet to discuss this if you want."

Uh, yes?

The meeting was set for after school. The DH, associate principal (AP), and Academic Affairs Officer (AAO) were present.

I prepared a few sets of questions for various ways the meeting might go down. Right away, I was told that the reason I was being moved INTO these classes is because there have been complaints about how I grade going back to last year. Parents think I'm grading to soft because my classroom grades don't match the kiddos PSAT/other standardized test scores. No. Shit. Of COURSE there's going to be a difference between grades for essays that take two weeks to plan and write or novels that students can take time to read versus high stakes tests made up of multiple choice vocab and grammar questions, tests that students must complete in like three hours. It's like comparing apples and rocket ships, for fuck's sake! Not only that, but the placement test this school uses, the ERB, is NOT a valid means of testing student ability, particularly ELL students! We spent a lot of time last year trying to get the ring leader to understand this, but she's paid for the test, so she's going to use it. Oh, and the kiddos also take a Duolingo test, which again, is VOCABULARY.

Yeah. That's part of the lunacy. But here's where it gets spicy.

The AAO said complaints came from parents when she tried to register the kids for summer school. Why would the kids need to take English II in summer school if they earned A/B in the class during the year? WHY INDEED??? Because summer school is a HUGE money-making venture for the Ring Leader. The MOMENT I heard the AAO say "summer school," I knew what was driving this decision. I'm costing the school money.

But it gets spicier!

Because I said, "Well, if there have been complaints about my grading stretching back to last year, why wasn't I told? Why was I not given the opportunity to improve? I sought out DH's guidance multiple times since he mentioned in quarter one of 2022 that my grades were high. I revised my weighting and policies to bring them in line with the department, which DH approved. So why am I being punished? WHY WASN'T I TOLD THERE WAS A PROBLEM?"

AAO: I was too busy.

AP: I told the DH to do it.

DH: *silence*

Yeah, that spinless worm said not one word during the meeting. Not to explain his actions or defend me or answer any questions. I lost my temper a bit. I told the admin team in no uncertain terms that they were behaving unethically. Mayi, the AP, was someone I considered to be a friend and mentor, and her mask DROPPED when I stated that her behavior in this matter has been and continues to be unethical and unprofessional. She said, "I don't like your tone or your label." And I was like, "Okay, then what would you call this behavior? What would you call it when, for a YEAR, there have been complaints about a teacher and no one told the teacher?"

Mayi kept repeating that she told the DH to do it, and that she was following the chain of command. To which I replied, "And if he doesn't do it, then isn't it your job to make sure he does, and punish him if he doesn't do his job? How is it right that I am being accused of not doing my job when it's you three who failed your duties to inform me and help me fix my errors? How is it right that I'm being punished for your failures?"

Mayi huffed and scowled and rolled her eyes like the mature adult professional she is.

I told the team that I was reporting all of this to the accreditation board which is evaluating our school because communication issues are part of our critical areas of improvement. Mayi was like, "Don't threaten me!" and I was like, "It's not a threat. I was just waiting to see what your official statement would be."

I mean I gave them so much room to like blame the ring leader, but they just stepped right off the cliffs themselves. Except for the DH, who sat like a bump on a log. Until the end of the meeting, that is, after the AP and AAO had left. I was packing up my things, and he shuffled over, wringing his hands, and started to say, "I hope you know that I don't want--"

I looked at him, and said, "Don't you dare! Don't you dare speak to me!" And then I walked out, down the hall to my coworker's classroom, and cried for a bit.

So I don't know exactly what my timeline will be here at Clown School. I told them I'd stay as long as I kept my classes. I also told them I was more than willing to put together a plan to "improve" my grading. I'm willing to play ball there. I mean, I can find a PD that will go to my recertification, so it wouldn't be a total loss. But I know they won't truly offer that. So I'll finish the semester, but I sure as shit won't grade the final exams. Nor will I leave any plans for the classes. Because fuck them.

Yeah. So. On Friday, just over a month after Mayi (the acting Associate Principal) pulled me aside to "warn" me that the Ring Leader planned to take all my classes, Mayi again pulled me aside to "warn" me that they -- Mayi, Eva (head of the office staff? idk) and Lee (English Department Head) were going to meet with me to "offer" me the ESL classes in place of my own. And then Lee was absent because he was "sick," so the meeting didn't happen. It will probably happen tomorrow.

I am so fucking sick of this place and all the bullshit. I mean, the lion's share of shit comes from the Ring Leader, but the DH is a fucking spineless twit, and the AP is just useless as well. Now, all three of them have chosen not to really go to the mats for me or give any ultimatums of their own. The DH and AP have visas held over their heads, and Eva's daughter is close to graduating, so she's keeping her head down until that happens. And look. I understand it. I understand that they all have to survive. DH and AP are well over 60 and would not be able to find another job overseas, and they've sunk too much into living aborad that they have nothing to live on at home (America for the DH and the Philippines for AP). I understand, I do. But it still feels so shitty. I asked Mayi on Friday if I was supposed to just stand there and let the Ring Leader kick me in the face for the next 7 months. I know she thinks I'm selfish for preparing to quit and leaving them in the lurch, but it's the Ring Leader's fault that we can't hire enough qualified staff. She regularly verbally abuses staff, and I found out (third hand, so I can't do anything about it) that she actually HIT two fourth graders last year when they were sent to the office for a scuffle! I mean, the Ring Leader is truly a fucking monster.

But I really need to stay until at least the end of the semester because I get two more paychecks. And I don't want to leave teaching. I LOVE being a teacher. But I can't keep doing this. And even though I have a place to live with my mom, rent free, I still have to fly home and ship my stuff home.

And oh, what awaits me at home! My brother is clinically depressed. My mom probably is, too, but she has God so she's fine, just fine! My other brother, who doesn't live with my mom, is clinically depressed among other things. His narcissist wife refuses still to file for divorce because she is too busy, but she also expects to be able to drop my niblings off at my mom's house every week so she can have "Me Time." Which she is owed. I mean, it's better than being homeless. I can't afford to go anywhere else. There are several para pro jobs at my local school district, including one working with newcomers (my hometown has a refugee office) which would be great! It's full-ish time, but it's hourly, so if/when I get a job for next year, I won't have to break a contract. And being home will make it easier for me to get visas because I don't have to figure out Taiwanese mail.

I really hope I can get a job before January because I can't quite afford to go to the HK Job Fair now. But the school that has shown a lot of interest in me, the one where my friend is working, has some major red flags. I went on International School Review, and the heads of the schools in the cities where I'd like to live have some MAJOR negative reviews. I can't go back to that. I can't go back to a toxic boss. If I went to the school where my friend is, I'd have a decent boss (her), but I'm not sure I want to live in Chengdu. I mean, Chengdu is probably fine, but the school is kind of on the outskirts of the actual city proper. On the other hand, it could be a stepping stone.

But I'm literally coming out of an abusive environment, and the Catholic-raised part of me still feels like suffering is deserved, and the Dad-raised part of me still feels like suffering makes me stronger, and the gas-lit, US-trained teacher part of me still thinks, "Do it for the children!"

Anyway, I'm fucking miserable and there's no way out but through, and I'm so fucking sick of being miserable, and I want to punch the Ring Leader and I want to punch my sister in law and I know (oh how I know, thanks, social media) that hundreds of thousands of people have it way worse than me, so why am I being such a whiny piss baby, and yeah.

Fucking grim.

The worst thing about the Ring Leader being such a shitty leader is that she doesn't actually take responsibility for anything that is happening, including actually fucking talking to me or sharing ANY of the decisions she makes about Clown School. Unless she sends out some random message in the staff group chat, she leaves it to other minions to share the bad news.

I spoke to the associate principal, who said the "plan" is to keep me in my classes until the end of the semester in January and then move me. I have spoken to my family and to my associate with the company I've signed up with to find a new job (which I already planned for 2024-2025 school year), and they have given me reassurances that if I feel leaving is the best for my health, then I should go. The associate is also looking into resources for me because the bullshit reason that Ring Leader is giving for moving me is due to deficiencies in my teaching practice, but she isn't abiding by the contract and taking steps to help me improve, so she is in breach of contract.

This means my plan is to finish the semester. I'll go home at Christmas and see my family and my best friend and take home some of my stuff, come back for a week to administer finals (which I may or may not grade before I go, depending on timing), spend a week cleaning up my apartment, go to the job fair in Hong Kong, and then go home. My mom is considering coming over to help me carry stuff back and also see Taiwan since she won't be able to come for Spring Break.

I really like Taiwan, aside from the heat and humidity. I do not like being sweaty all the time, but the place itself is really cool. I hope my mom can come because I want to show her a few of my favorite things. I probably won't be able to go back down to Kaohsiung or Tainan because I need to save money from my few remaining paychecks, but I think I'll take a few of my sick days for mid-week trips to Taipei.

IDK. I'm really sad and angry about this whole situation, but truly you cannot reason with such a pathological narcissist, so I'm not going to try. I also talked with one of my good friends who was in a similar situation last year. She was able to end the school year and break her contract in June, and thankfully she found another job within a month. I'm confident I will be able to find something for the 2024-2025 school year. I just don't know where I'll be. I'll sub for the rest of this year when I go home. That way I won't have any contracts to potentially break, and I will get a little break from grading and planning. Maybe I'll make a dent in my TBR pile.

This whole situation is so unbelievably shitty, but I feel better now that I have a plan. And who knows? There are still three months for the Ring Leader to do the right thing, and I might finish the year. We'll see. I have my resignation letter ready.

Well, I have found my limit. I don't want to get into the whole back story because I'm exhausted and heartbroken, but the Ring Leader is proposing to take away my classes and move me to classes I am not qualified to teach. The reasons given are tenuous and ridiculous, and more importantly, if they go forward with it, they will be breaking the contract I signed. I have reached out to my contact at the placement agency and told them the whole story and asked for advice on how to handle the fallout if I do walk away in the middle of the school year.

My vice principal and department head are of limited help to me because they are both older (71 and 61) and cannot get jobs in education elsewhere if they are forced out of here. The Ring Leader holds their visas and lives hostage basically. My DH was candid with me about this, and while I knew it was the reason behind his tepid public response, I appreciate that he came and told me directly. It sucks ass, but I get it.

If I go, I will regret leaving my students because they will not have a good teacher to get them through the year. I've finally started forming relationships with my prickly high schoolers, and I've had some of my middle schoolers for a year and a half already. I also don't want the stain of a broken contract on my record, regardless of how justified it might be. And I might be too hard on myself. Broken contracts do happen. I have enough professional references that will support me and explain things if needed.

I've got a place to go back to. My aunt will loan me a car until I get a full time job and can afford one (if I stay in the US) or move on to my next job. I do feel like some weight is off my shoulders now that I have made the decision. I know where my limit is. I'll survive what comes next.

Welp, it's official. Our spring break is fucked up this year because the Ring Leader couldn't secure the dates she wanted for the "traditional graduation trip" to Bali. SO now, we get 3 days plus a weekend off, come back for three days of work (one of which is a student work showcase day + half day of "PD"), and then get a further two days and a weekend off. At least this year, unlike last year, our break contains two weekends. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha 🙃

It totally fucks up my plans, but it also means my mom might be able to stay longer. I'm glad I hadn't actually paid for anything yet. I think some staff members have already paid for flights.

My department head is right in that this is a lost battle for us, but I still can't decide if I should say anything to the Ring Leader. It's abundantly clear that she has no respect for her staff. She has full-on screaming meltdowns at least once a week. She is also clearly a narcissist with no ability to empathize with anyone else. Her View is the Only Way. I don't have any illusions that saying anything would change the schedule, but I want her to understand how insulting it is not only to fuck with our breaks but to not even be the one to tell us. Oh no, she made the associate principal make the announcement. She was too fucking cowardly to do it herself. She has absolutely no respect for us, either as professionals or as people, and it's going to bite her in the ass. Except it won't, because when the school inevitably collapses because she can't hire well-qualified teaching staff, she'll sell off the land that the school sits on for a small fortune and move on to something else. And as long as she can still "get" kids into elite colleges (which she does by forcing out anyone who can't hack it), regardless of whether they're prepared to be successful in college or not, parents here are willing to put up with her tyranny and force their kids under her reign.

I'm biding my time. The only reason I haven't (yet) broken my contract is because she hasn't (yet) directly threatened me. And also, I really do like the kids I get to work with, and I feel like I have had some positive influence on them, however small, so I'll see out my contract (for now). But I'm not giving a single extra thing to her or this place. I'm not coming to any evening activities. I'm sure I'll be "sick" on student showcase day (which, if it's going to be anything like last year, we will work hard to put it together, and then she will change it to a contest the morning of). I won't miss out on the PD because the school has not provided any PD at all the whole time I've been here. I'll go to a job fair. I actually got an email last night, mere hours after the announcement about the calendar, offering an interview for a school in China. I didn't accept initially because I didn't want to break my contract (yet), but it's for next year. I still held off because it's for AP Lit, and I really, really want to try an IB school so I can get some experience there. However AP experience would be good for me if I decided to move back to the US. But I told the person who emailed me that I am planning to go to the job fair in January so I'm not ready to make any decisions, and they were really nice about it.

Anyway, that's clown school! My tummy hurts, and honestly, I think I'm tipping into a depressive episode, but I hope I can stave it off. Fingers crossed and all that.

🌠🤡🌠

Today I learned that the Ring Leader is changing the dates of Spring Break because she couldn't get tickets for the grad trip during those dates. They take the kids to Bali, and the Ring Leader goes first class on the school's dime, which isn't unusual for this sort of school, but it adds a layer of bitterness. Anyway, we were supposed to get a full week off, Saturday through Sunday, like normal. My mom is planning to visit, and we were planning to do a package tour that only runs from Monday through Friday. NOW our vacation will be split. We'll have a Saturday through Wednesday off, teach Thursday and Friday, and have Saturday through the following Tuesday off.

CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT???????

Okay, I'll take a deep breath. I haven't booked anything yet, so I'm not out any money. And I'm glad to know about it now and not in March. But it fucks up my plans. Moreover, it just pisses me off. I can't do anything about it. I'm a pawn to these spoiled rich kids and their "sacred" grad trip. Oh yeah, they take the seniors AND the eighth graders.

And I can admit that much of my anger comes from some sour grapes envy. I don't often notice the stark class differences between myself and the kids (although yesterday, I noticed that one of my tiny 6th graders was decked out head to toe in YSL gear that definitely cost more than my rent), but this is one of those instances that highlights the differences. And the Ring Leader treats staff as disposable. She was able to get a fairly steady supply of teachers, but the quality has definitely been compromised since Clown School has been kicked off several well-known placement websites.

ANYWAY, I hope my mom is going to be able to change her plans so she can come visit. And I'm determined not to give ANYTHING extra to this school. I'm not attending any after-school events. I'm leaving promptly on time.

We don't have many activities at Clown School. Those that we do have were hand-picked by the HoS because they will A) look good on college resumes and B) that's it. It's whatever she gets in her head. Her Crusade™ is Sustainability. And yes, it's all buzz, little-to-no substance. The other activities offered, aside from a handful of sports, are things that serve the school propaganda machine. Last year I was faculty advisor for the Text Documentary Project. What did we do? I have no idea! No one could give me any goals. I was working with the Media Club advisor, and all they did was take pictures and write copy for the school's social media.

We are also in a re-accreditation cycle, and it's not going well. Or it's going, but there's a lot to be done because so much as been left to slide over the last five years. One of the things to be done is to look at our elective and club offerings and see where we can diversify, and there was a suggestion for re-starting a school literary magazine. I volunteered for this because it is something I'm actually interested in doing, and it would look good on my resume, which is important as I'm applying for jobs for next year.

The Ring Leader, however, did not come up with this idea, and so far, she has shot down plans. I don't have the final "No" yet, but I suspect it's coming. And I'm not going to get angry about it. I am going to send a perfectly cordial and professional email that says something along the lines of "okay, the Head of School has denied this? Cool, I will add that to the accreditation action plan steps and update the accreditation body. Thanks!"

I'm not sure if this will actually change the Ring Leader's mind. I'm tired, so I don't much care either way. And I do have to include it in the action plan notes because the accrediting body requires us to address everything in our plan. But I'm not gonna lie, it gives me joy to write out the ways that the Ring Leader bullies everyone who doesn't come up with things that perfectly align with her ✨vision✨.

This is less about Clown School specifically and more a bit of whining about how hard it is for me to make friends "IRL" as an introvert. I rely on proximity, which means I tend to make friends at work. I thought I made friends here at Clown School, but after a bunch of social media posts for activities that I was not invited to, I realized that I'm really lucky to have good coworkers, but I am not so lucky as to have friends.

And it's not anyone's fault. There's a big age gap between me and the main social group, and those who are closer to my age have partners and kids, so they have other demands on their time. Mayi is my Work Mom and also now my boss, sort of, and my department head is a Boomer and nice enough, but he's also kind of a dick and also kind of my boss.

This weekend, the two gals that I thought were my friends went to Taipei to go to this Turkish restaurant, one that they had mentioned before and that just last weekend, when it came up again, I specifically asked if they would let me know the next time they go because I'd love to try it. They also went to this cool-looking DIY mosaic place -- completely up my alley, and also something that's really not that fun to do alone.

I got so lucky in Shenzhen to make friends with a couple of people who I really vibed well with and had very similar ideas of what constitutes a good time as well as having similar energy levels for activities (no hiking, thank you). Of course, that time got cut really short due to the pandemic.

So what's next? Well, I'm going to have to just keep going out and seeing my own things. I have a lot of books and a list of cool cafes to try out (that are not Starbucks). The weather is supposed to be nice next weekend, so I think I'll book myself a hotel room and try to see the old Dutch fort.

Onward we (I) go.

Okay, the authoritarianism part isn't a surprise. I can't think of any school that isn't authoritarian. If you're lucky, you have a benevolent dictator who actively cares about the people under their charge and takes steps to help those charges learn and grow before kicking them out of the kingdom.

Clown School is not that school.

We take attendance every period. This is not new. It's also not necessarily a bad thing. Schools act in parental stead while the kiddos are there, and you need to know where kids are for the most part or have a good idea with developmentally appropriate loosening of restrictions if you're a benevolent kingdom. Last year, Clown School was not only far too lax but we were criminally understaffed, so we had some serious problems with bullying as well as some other activities that brought police investigation to the school. I won't say more, but suffice it to say, things were BAD and the school is very lucky that hasn't been shut down, and I suppose Dear Leader is lucky she's stinking rich. ANYWAY, as a result of last year's true failures of care, we're being more systematic with attendance and tracking students this year. In addition to taking attendance every period, all students are required to "clock" into the class with their ID badges. Teachers are expected to monitor this in the five-minute transition period between classes, as well as prepare for our next class and, in some cases, transition themselves to other classrooms (like our Spanish teacher, who also teaches middle school robotics, middle school math, and elementary computer science, which means she has the ENTIRE elementary school population in her class for 45 minutes, and she has NO co-teacher or aide to help -- FUCKING CLOWN SCHOOL).

If any teacher fails to take attendance, a Message of Shame goes out to the staff group chat. Same if a student fails to clock into the classroom. Message of Shame. Except, they don't check to see if the kid was absent before they send the message regarding the tap-in/tap-out. I was in one of the shame messages, thankfully because the kid was absent, and BOY did it trigger my anxiety about getting yelled at.

Like I said, attendance makes sense to me, but Clown School being Clown School, they take it further. One of the high school "electives" is an AI class where they are assigned to design a facial recognition program that Dear Leader wants to use in place of the ID card. You can't replace your face -- yet. We wouldn't want kids swapping ID cards and falsely tapping into a class, would we?

What do you do when this technology is inescapable? For example, some friends of mine moved back to China, and they have facial recognition to get into their apartment complex. You can't NOT go home, right? If there are complexes that don't have this, they are few and dwindling.

Honk honk, I guess.

Tales from Clown School will be my tag and title for posts complaining about my specific job or stories about that. Today's entry isn't a complaint, per se. When I got my schedule for the year, I had two study halls, which meant I only had one period per week where I had actual prep time and no students. Study Hall doesn't take up a lot of mental space, but I still have to be IN the room with the kids.

My school has an insane policy where we have to use key cards to access our classrooms, but we aren't permitted to access the room outside of our scheduled classes. So if I wanted to go into my room early to set something up, or if I forgot something after class, I have to chase down the staff member who opens the doors. (Apparently, this is a power-trip thing. It's a HUGE bone of contention among staff.) One of my coworkers keeps a coffee maker in his room, and he needs to have it every day. He offered to take my first-period study hall so he can have access to his room. This means I can have stuff delivered if I want.

Clown school is such a weird place.