covered in bees

Any Eddie Izzard fans out there? He was one of my favorite comedians, although I haven't kept up with his work in the last few years. A favorite joke of his is when he says, "I like my women like I like my coffee -- covered in bees." (And "I like my men like I like my coffee -- in a plastic cup.")

I bring this up because I'm in a little anxiety spike that feels like Covered In Bees. There are things in my life that need to change, and I am taking active measures to change them, but that change happens pretty slowly. Also, I'm back at work with my work pals, some of whom will be leaving at the end of the year, and I can feel myself putting up some walls to protect myself a bit, but we still have six months together here in Shenzhen, AND there's the internet and such, so it's not like I won't ever hear from or see these people again. Sure, they won't be across the hall anymore, and they won't burst into my classroom before school starts and I'm trying to get my head together but they're singing "Good Moooooorning!" (I love ya, MB, but we have very different needs when it comes to starting our day.) All this is swarming around me, giving me the feeling like I'm walking around, trying to function, whilst covered in bees. Also, like I have swallowed a bunch of those bees and instead of being properly digested, they fill me as if I were once a hollow vessel but am now an apiary. I quite dislike this manifestation of anxiety because it makes it difficult for me to focus, and it's very hard to mute. Current coping methods include making soothing cups of tea and taking a sleeping pill at bedtime, which helps me fall asleep and stay asleep, but it also has the side effect of having some super funky dreams. Like last night, I had some angsty Xicheng dreams, and yay, free fics, written just for me, but also, not conducive to rest and dealing with teenagers the next day.

I salute you, my anxiety bros. Feel free to come round and have a chat. I promise the bees won't sting.