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Hey, kiddo. Ya got some tough stuff going on right now. You have a job, but it’s been disrupted. You’re still getting paid. You’re still able to teach something. It is difficult to do online, but not impossible. You’re stressed because you’re being reminded just how much in the world is out of your control. It’s tough. It is. Things will eventually settle down. They may not go back to the same way things were before, but they will get calmer again. And I know this is hard, especially when you are starting to spiral, but try and remember: this isn’t your fault. This isn’t some punishment for being a bad person. This didn’t happen because you didn’t sacrifice enough. This isn’t a result of your action or inaction. (Someday, we’re gonna have a long conversation about that internalized notion of sin you’ve got going on, but it’s late.) Finally, just because this moment in your life is rough and unsettled, it is not a sign of things to come. It’s not proof that you deserve to be miserable. It is not proof that you are unlovable and will die alone. I mean, damn girl, if mental gymnastics were an Olympic sport, you would have all the gold medals. What you can control is what you do with your time right now. That doesn’t mean everything you do will be perfect or beautiful. It means you get to make some choices, and as long as you do YOUR best, you will have no reason to feel ashamed.
Valentine’s Day. Yeah. That day definitely sucks for you. I know you were looking forward to spending it in a place that doesn’t really celebrate it, a place where Romance and Settling Down and Marriage aren’t sold to you (at least not in a way that you understand so you can pretend it’s not being shot at you from a commercial firehose). But this day will be over soon enough. Maybe take a break from those romantic dramas and handsome, beautiful actors and watch some murder mysteries.
I know you want to write something good, every day. It’s okay to just write something. And, um, you need to grade some papers. You gotta. I know it’s the least favorite part of the job, but you gotta. Okay?
I know it’s hard to hear these things, let alone believe them, when part of your brain is a total asshole. It is. We’ll need to do something soonish to manage that. But for now, choose joy whenever you can. Things will be better. They will. They really will.
Valentine’s Day. Yeah. That day definitely sucks for you. I know you were looking forward to spending it in a place that doesn’t really celebrate it, a place where Romance and Settling Down and Marriage aren’t sold to you (at least not in a way that you understand so you can pretend it’s not being shot at you from a commercial firehose). But this day will be over soon enough. Maybe take a break from those romantic dramas and handsome, beautiful actors and watch some murder mysteries.
I know you want to write something good, every day. It’s okay to just write something. And, um, you need to grade some papers. You gotta. I know it’s the least favorite part of the job, but you gotta. Okay?
I know it’s hard to hear these things, let alone believe them, when part of your brain is a total asshole. It is. We’ll need to do something soonish to manage that. But for now, choose joy whenever you can. Things will be better. They will. They really will.
