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COVID Diary
Jul. 5th, 2021 10:34 amNow that I’m on a break from work, I finally have time to process a little bit of the feelings about COVID and the world in general. I don’t know who, if anyone, will read this. Maybe someone doing research on COVID-19 will find it and add it to the narrative of just how fucking selfish people are and how we (here to mean primarily white Western/American people with pretty good means of support, all things considered) fucked over the world because we were too fucking lazy and greedy to do better.
I spent the most of the time this covers in Minsk, Belarus. ( click for some general background info )
Now to the reason I decided to write this. I’m home for a summer visit. Yesterday was the Fourth of July, so my family gathered for a BBQ and I got to see all of my close family together. We are very lucky to all have been vaccinated, except for my small niece and nephew. This is 13 people including my 92-year-old grandpa. We had a nice BBQ and cursed out people lighting fireworks (a rant for another day). It was almost totally normal.
Last winter, six of those people contracted COVID: My grandpa, mother, mother’s sister, mother’s brother, my younger brother, and my other brother’s mother-in-law. In addition, a cousin who was visiting and my brother’s sister-in-law also got COVID, but they weren’t at the BBQ. All of them recovered. Mostly.
Now, I wasn’t home at the time, so I can only speculate how they got sick, but we have a pretty good idea that it was my uncle or my grandpa who got sick first. My uncle in particularly steadfastly refused to wear a mask during this time. He is also a helpless man-baby (another rant for another time) who cannot handle himself, so he goes out to restaurants for nearly every meal. He would take my grandpa down to the casino in Jackpot. My grandpa also refused to wear a mask because it was uncomfortable and he is old and he’s ready to die. He’s had some health issues already, and he’s been so, so unhappy since my grandma died back in 2016, so on one hand, I get it! But of course viruses don’t pay any attention to our wishes.
Anyway, once they got sick, it quickly spread through the other family members. My mom was pretty good about wearing her mask, and my aunt was hyper vigilant as she has some respiratory issues already, but my grandpa lives with my aunt and her husband, and my mom would visit them, unmasked. They all recovered, mostly. My aunt had to go on oxygen, and I think my grandpa did, too. But while they have technically recovered from COVID, there have been severe long-term effects for both my grandpa and my aunt.
Now, I am not a doctor, in case that wasn’t already clear. And I suppose it’s possible that these issues could stem from something else, but I doubt it. My grandpa now has congestive heart failure. He is receiving palliative care because like I said, he’s 92. He didn’t want to have surgery or anything to prolong his life. But what really sucks is that however long he does have left is marred by constant pain and misery. So to anyone who says old people die! It’s no big deal! — eat a bag of dicks and fuck yourself with a chainsaw. Seriously.
My aunt developed bleeding on the brain, which gives her terrible headaches and has totally fucked with her memory and cognitive functions. My aunt was a teacher and had to retire early because she could no longer function well enough in the classroom. She might recover her cognitive functions, she might not.
And we are the lucky ones. We are the ones with access to good healthcare. My family all has health insurance. My aunt can afford to retire early. My grandpa is able to stay in his home. The rest of the family (the brother, cousin, and sister-in-law are all YOUNGER than me, btw, in their thirties and late twenties) have all recovered and appear to have no lingering effects. But this didn’t have to happen to ANY of us. And it doesn’t have to continue happening to families around the world whose misfortune is that they weren’t born white Americans. And the fucking white Americans who refuse the vaccine, who refuse the mild discomfort of wearing a mask to protect themselves and others. The astonishing greed and cruelty of the American government and corporations who continue to wring blood from people as long as it gets them another penny. It’s beyond description.
This story is just a small one, of a small family in the middle of nowhere, USA. But we are far from unique. I want to be an optimistic person when I look at the world. I want to believe that the long arc of the universe bends towards kindness and decency. But what I see most are the infinite small cruelties we heap on others.
I spent the most of the time this covers in Minsk, Belarus. ( click for some general background info )
Now to the reason I decided to write this. I’m home for a summer visit. Yesterday was the Fourth of July, so my family gathered for a BBQ and I got to see all of my close family together. We are very lucky to all have been vaccinated, except for my small niece and nephew. This is 13 people including my 92-year-old grandpa. We had a nice BBQ and cursed out people lighting fireworks (a rant for another day). It was almost totally normal.
Last winter, six of those people contracted COVID: My grandpa, mother, mother’s sister, mother’s brother, my younger brother, and my other brother’s mother-in-law. In addition, a cousin who was visiting and my brother’s sister-in-law also got COVID, but they weren’t at the BBQ. All of them recovered. Mostly.
Now, I wasn’t home at the time, so I can only speculate how they got sick, but we have a pretty good idea that it was my uncle or my grandpa who got sick first. My uncle in particularly steadfastly refused to wear a mask during this time. He is also a helpless man-baby (another rant for another time) who cannot handle himself, so he goes out to restaurants for nearly every meal. He would take my grandpa down to the casino in Jackpot. My grandpa also refused to wear a mask because it was uncomfortable and he is old and he’s ready to die. He’s had some health issues already, and he’s been so, so unhappy since my grandma died back in 2016, so on one hand, I get it! But of course viruses don’t pay any attention to our wishes.
Anyway, once they got sick, it quickly spread through the other family members. My mom was pretty good about wearing her mask, and my aunt was hyper vigilant as she has some respiratory issues already, but my grandpa lives with my aunt and her husband, and my mom would visit them, unmasked. They all recovered, mostly. My aunt had to go on oxygen, and I think my grandpa did, too. But while they have technically recovered from COVID, there have been severe long-term effects for both my grandpa and my aunt.
Now, I am not a doctor, in case that wasn’t already clear. And I suppose it’s possible that these issues could stem from something else, but I doubt it. My grandpa now has congestive heart failure. He is receiving palliative care because like I said, he’s 92. He didn’t want to have surgery or anything to prolong his life. But what really sucks is that however long he does have left is marred by constant pain and misery. So to anyone who says old people die! It’s no big deal! — eat a bag of dicks and fuck yourself with a chainsaw. Seriously.
My aunt developed bleeding on the brain, which gives her terrible headaches and has totally fucked with her memory and cognitive functions. My aunt was a teacher and had to retire early because she could no longer function well enough in the classroom. She might recover her cognitive functions, she might not.
And we are the lucky ones. We are the ones with access to good healthcare. My family all has health insurance. My aunt can afford to retire early. My grandpa is able to stay in his home. The rest of the family (the brother, cousin, and sister-in-law are all YOUNGER than me, btw, in their thirties and late twenties) have all recovered and appear to have no lingering effects. But this didn’t have to happen to ANY of us. And it doesn’t have to continue happening to families around the world whose misfortune is that they weren’t born white Americans. And the fucking white Americans who refuse the vaccine, who refuse the mild discomfort of wearing a mask to protect themselves and others. The astonishing greed and cruelty of the American government and corporations who continue to wring blood from people as long as it gets them another penny. It’s beyond description.
This story is just a small one, of a small family in the middle of nowhere, USA. But we are far from unique. I want to be an optimistic person when I look at the world. I want to believe that the long arc of the universe bends towards kindness and decency. But what I see most are the infinite small cruelties we heap on others.
