![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Summer Dispatch #5: Scribbles & Siblings
Jul. 14th, 2022 08:13 amSomewhere there is an old cartoon of a scribble that has come to life -- old being 80's or 90's -- I am sure of it. Unless it is something I dreamed. Or I'm thinking of the SpongeBob episode with DoodleBob. Either way, that's what I am right now -- a sentient scribble bopping around life.
Also, scribble is such a fun word!
I found out that my work visa has been approved and I'll get the physical paperwork soon, which means I can apply for my residence permit. But in the course of this, I learned that I would not go to San Francisco but to Seattle, and also, I might not actually have to go to Seattle in person because processing time might be four weeks, so I can't hang around Seattle for a month. I'm currently waiting for the TECO office in Seattle to open so I can call and figure out what I need to do. Hence a big part of why I feel like a scribble.
I am so glad I found out that I have to work with the Seattle office (because Idaho is part of Seattle's region) before I flew to San Francisco. On the downside, I was looking forward to spending a few days there. I visited back in 2008-ish, and I enjoyed it.
My mom left for a long-awaited holiday, and I'm really happy for her but also sad that our summer time together is cut short since I will probably, hopefully, due to the school year calendar be leaving before she gets home. I almost want to just stay home, but home is still a toxic emotional stew.
Having more alone time means more time alone with my thoughts, of course, so I was thinking about that stew and the kind of relationships I actually have with my family (versus what I wish they were), and one thing I realized is that my SIL has always treated me like her journal. She talks a big Sister game, but we're not even really friends. Now, I like my SIL well enough. She's been with my brother for nearly 15 years, so I've known her for almost half her life (they met when she was 18 or 19). But we have never really hung out together, just us. Not even before she had kids. She has a really strong relationship with her actual sisters, and when they are all in town together, I'm not and never have been included. This isn't a complaint. They do have a very strong relationship and this strong identity of Sisterhood. They don't have brothers that they grew up with (they have some stepbrothers, but those boys never lived with SIL and her fam), and I never had a sister. At my brother and SIL's wedding, she made sure to play "We Are Family" as a sister dance, which I was not included in. Again, this is totally fine with me. Her sisters and their shared life together before she met our family are hugely important.
The point is, SIL has never treated me like a sister (which again, I'm fine with), but she does use the word a LOT for our relationship. That bothers me. Calling me her SIL is great because it is an accurate description of our legal familial tie. Calling me sister, like we have some sort of bond, is not fine. Now, I'm not going to be a jerk and tell her to stop calling me that, but I am, if the occasion comes up in the course of a natural conversation, going to set a firm boundary. I'm not going to be her journal anymore. I cannot be her emotional dumping ground, which is what she has actually used me for. If she wants to have a sisterly relationship, which might include some emotional support, then it has to be reciprocal, and it has to include something that is about the two of us and how we relate to each other. We do both like to crochet, so we can hang out and do that and talk about projects and other shared common interests (that are NOT related to my brother). If my niblings are the main reason we have a relationship, I'm also fine with that. I absolutely LOVE being an auntie! But I'm done being a dumping ground, and I am done being the person who is the only one making overtures to connect with people. And I'm really grateful that I have a job, however anxious I am about the process right now, that gives me the physical space to maintain emotional boundaries.
Also, scribble is such a fun word!
I found out that my work visa has been approved and I'll get the physical paperwork soon, which means I can apply for my residence permit. But in the course of this, I learned that I would not go to San Francisco but to Seattle, and also, I might not actually have to go to Seattle in person because processing time might be four weeks, so I can't hang around Seattle for a month. I'm currently waiting for the TECO office in Seattle to open so I can call and figure out what I need to do. Hence a big part of why I feel like a scribble.
I am so glad I found out that I have to work with the Seattle office (because Idaho is part of Seattle's region) before I flew to San Francisco. On the downside, I was looking forward to spending a few days there. I visited back in 2008-ish, and I enjoyed it.
My mom left for a long-awaited holiday, and I'm really happy for her but also sad that our summer time together is cut short since I will probably, hopefully, due to the school year calendar be leaving before she gets home. I almost want to just stay home, but home is still a toxic emotional stew.
Having more alone time means more time alone with my thoughts, of course, so I was thinking about that stew and the kind of relationships I actually have with my family (versus what I wish they were), and one thing I realized is that my SIL has always treated me like her journal. She talks a big Sister game, but we're not even really friends. Now, I like my SIL well enough. She's been with my brother for nearly 15 years, so I've known her for almost half her life (they met when she was 18 or 19). But we have never really hung out together, just us. Not even before she had kids. She has a really strong relationship with her actual sisters, and when they are all in town together, I'm not and never have been included. This isn't a complaint. They do have a very strong relationship and this strong identity of Sisterhood. They don't have brothers that they grew up with (they have some stepbrothers, but those boys never lived with SIL and her fam), and I never had a sister. At my brother and SIL's wedding, she made sure to play "We Are Family" as a sister dance, which I was not included in. Again, this is totally fine with me. Her sisters and their shared life together before she met our family are hugely important.
The point is, SIL has never treated me like a sister (which again, I'm fine with), but she does use the word a LOT for our relationship. That bothers me. Calling me her SIL is great because it is an accurate description of our legal familial tie. Calling me sister, like we have some sort of bond, is not fine. Now, I'm not going to be a jerk and tell her to stop calling me that, but I am, if the occasion comes up in the course of a natural conversation, going to set a firm boundary. I'm not going to be her journal anymore. I cannot be her emotional dumping ground, which is what she has actually used me for. If she wants to have a sisterly relationship, which might include some emotional support, then it has to be reciprocal, and it has to include something that is about the two of us and how we relate to each other. We do both like to crochet, so we can hang out and do that and talk about projects and other shared common interests (that are NOT related to my brother). If my niblings are the main reason we have a relationship, I'm also fine with that. I absolutely LOVE being an auntie! But I'm done being a dumping ground, and I am done being the person who is the only one making overtures to connect with people. And I'm really grateful that I have a job, however anxious I am about the process right now, that gives me the physical space to maintain emotional boundaries.
