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wrote_and_writ
Yesterday, my coworker Johan interviewed me as part of his master’s thesis work. He asked me about culturally responsive teaching and dealing with turmoil, both personal and professional, and how that might manifest in the class. I’m not sure what his whole premise is, but I’ll probably get to read it when he’s finished. Anyway, his questions got me thinking about this year as a whole, and WOOF, it was a tough one, but in a weirdly fragmented way. I think the last official week of classes is pretty emblematic of the issues, though. Students didn’t have classes, but they were expected to be at school all day, BUT there were little to no plans as to what to do with them. For Monday and Tuesday, we didn’t even really take attendance, which has GOT to be against Ministry of Ed regulations as well as a safety issue. What plans we DID have in place for Monday (we were supposed to have a student work showcase, which is a whole other nightmare) were scrapped at like 8:15 AM because the Head of School is a horrible person. I had to rejoin the staff group chat just to keep up with the changes that happened every half hour or so. Pure chaos.
One thing that was planned for this week was the school musical, a production of Guys and Dolls that was plagued with issues for the entire year. One of the biggest issues is that we don’t really have much of a music program or students who both want to perform and can actually sing. The teacher in charge suggested having more of a showcase style performance instead of a full on play, but the HoS refused to allow it, despite having a huge lack of resources and talent because this is something she could put on our school FB page and put in brochures — a few well-edited photographs to really sell the narrative that we have a great program. Honestly, this musical is a distillation of the insanity that is working at and attending PAS.
I attended the Thursday afternoon performance as a chaperone, because I sure as shit wasn’t coming back Friday evening for the performance. Once I left the school for the weekend, I was DONE. And friends. The performance was not good. Our “auditorium” isn’t really built for performances. The sound quality was so poor that I couldn’t understand what the actors were saying. The actors couldn’t really sing. So many missed notes. However, I am so impressed with the product because the kids and teachers in charge did work very hard. Several of my students were in the orchestra and on the tech crews. One of my kiddos, who I didn’t even know was in the musical until the day before, was actually playing Nathan Detroit. And this kiddo could sort of sing, but I was still impressed because this was waaaaaaaaay out of his comfort zone. Another student, who I knew of but didn’t get to teach, was a natural. This kid played Nicely-Nicely Johnson, the character who sings the famous song “Sit Down, You’re Rockin’ the Boat,” and the kiddo OWNED it. I was so impressed! One of my other students was one of the Hot Box girls, and the dancing was painfully lackluster, but again, knowing this student, performing like this was waaaaaaaaay out of her comfort zone, so I could honestly applaud her.
Sadly, I think the “success” of the performance just feeds the HoS’s ego and she is heedless of all the unnecessary stress a performance like this places on the staff and students actually responsible for making it happen. I’d be a lot more on board if we had staff and students who were passionate about this. Heck, a regular play would be easier on the kids. But that isn’t in the HoS’s VISION, so it won’t change unless it totally falls apart.
Anyway, I am super happy this year is over. I hope my time at home this summer isn’t so draining that I come back for the second (and LAST) year with nothing. I really wish there was another option besides “the only way out is through.”
Oh! Also! Now that I actually have some space to breathe, I realize I’ve been hitting my head against a wall for … a while now. I’ve given up so much energy to getting through that I’m actually at quite the deficit, so I dropped out of a SangCheng Minibang. Even though it has a long deadline, I just can’t get my head around it. I’m actually not getting much joy out of fandom these days, which REALLY sucks to realize. It’s like that time I tried a fad diet in high school. I choked down that grapefruit juice and bacon and egg but it was HORRIBLE. I feel like I’m just choking down fic and stuff because I want it to be good. Even the things I’ve read that are legit good! But they are starting to feel like grapefruit juice. Same with writing. It’s just joyless. So I really need to just stop so it can be a break, even if it might be a long break, because if I don’t, I’m worried it will become a permanent break from writing, which would really suck.
Brains (and Life) — why are you like this??
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Date: 2023-05-27 03:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-05-29 02:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-05-27 03:14 pm (UTC)Secondly: Your HoS is a horrible terrible evil person that is all I have to say on that. HORRIBLE.
As for fandom, I hope the summer gives you enough space and time so it doesn't feel like you're just writing because it's expected. Hopefully you will be able to find the joy of it again when you're away from the place. Stress can definitely be a kill-all-your-enjoyment sort of thing. And it can be either fast - like one day you're just feeling done - or slow, where it creeps up and you just feel meh and blah about everything until you just need a break. So I send lots of hugs and lots of good vibes for recharging for you too :) Lots of hugs!
I hope you have a really great summer!! You know if you need to chat we're here for you!!!
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Date: 2023-05-29 02:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-05-29 01:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-05-28 12:23 am (UTC)The Head of School sounds terrible. I'm sorry you have to deal with such "leadership."
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Date: 2023-05-29 02:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-05-28 01:46 am (UTC)o_o Just a tad awkward and chaotic!
So I really need to just stop so it can be a break, even if it might be a long break, because if I don’t, I’m worried it will become a permanent break from writing, which would really suck.
*hugs tight*
no subject
Date: 2023-05-29 02:03 am (UTC)