Scenes from Ida-home #3: Anxie-tea

[wrote_and_writ]

Well, unsurprisingly, being back in the US has definitely triggered a huge spike in anxiety. Part of it is definitely family stuff -- my brothers' lives are hard, made harder both by circumstance and by their own actions, my aunts and uncles are aging, the dogs are old, my bestie had pneumonia, so I haven't gotten to see her. A big part is The State of Things, even though I really stay off the news. Today, I coped by buying my mom a bunch of meat -- chicken, ground pork, ground beef. I almost had a panic attack in the store and I still feel shakey, not because I couldn't afford the food (and the prices were actually pretty good, not much more than they've been over the last few years, plus there were BOGO sales on the beef and chicken) but because my horrible brain weasels were just gnawing away at things. I still kind of want to cry atm as the anxiety spike eases. It reminds me of going shopping in the early days of the pandemic. I remember walking around the grocery store, trying to figure out what we needed (we didn't really need much at that moment) and buying, like, a jug of soy sauce. I mean, we do use soy sauce frequently, compared to a lot of other Idahoans, but not THAT frequently.

My mom isn't saying anything about the meat (aside from thank you, of course), but I think she can tell I'm worried lol. It's just, she feeds a lot more people -- brother one contributes a little, brother two doesn't but he's also chronically underemployed due to a combination of things outside of his control AND he's trying to take care of his kids and get his divorce processed (SIL is NOT helping because she's a monster). I don't want my niblings to worry about food, so the best thing I could do is buy some meat.

ANYWAY, I probably need to just go to a therapist to get on medication again, because it's not like they can do anything about The State of Things overall. So there you go!

Comments

[amara1783]

✨💖✨ For what it's worth, I think buying meat for your family is a good practical thing to do in the face of our frikkin dystopian nonsense reality. And I totally get the grocery store jitters - they pop up randomly for me since Covid.

[wrote_and_writ]

Yeah, it is a nice, tangible thing that will make things easier for someone.

[umadoshi]

What Amara said. *hugs* Increased food security is good even if one isn't quite in a place where it's an active worry!

[wrote_and_writ]

Yup. It's something tangible, and since she has a chest freezer in the garage, it won't go to waste.

[awanderingcoyote]

Sending so many hugs. I think you coined it right that it does feel almost like the pandemic mentally is returning from everything (tm). I hope you’re feeling better from the anxiety!! Sending 🫂🫂🫂🫂

[wrote_and_writ]

It comes and goes. But I am glad that I got the food for my fam. My mom has a chest freezer in the garage, so it won't go to waste.