Quarantine Blues: Body Image Edition
Apr. 22nd, 2020 06:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wrote_and_writUnder a cut because I know this issue is fraught for a lot of people.
Hey girl.
You’ve been feeling bad for awhile now, but we chalked it up to stress about work and quarantine, anxiety about the future, pretty normal stuff that lots of people are going through. But you’ve also noticed that you actually look pretty bad lately. Your skin isn’t very clear, your clothes aren’t fitting well. It doesn’t help that you have to look at yourself in the stunningly bad lighting and angles of your webcam for meetings and classes, which you can’t really get out of.
And it does not make things feel great to know that you’ve gained nearly twenty pounds since February. That’s not great. It doesn’t help that you’ve gone from a more active lifestyle in China, with a more active schedule, food that isn’t as greasy. It doesn’t help that exercise is so fraught because you’ve internalized years of comments from people you trusted that equate your value to your weight and looks. It doesn’t help that being isolated has reminded you how much you want interaction and a partner and don’t feel like you deserve that on the best of days.
It doesn’t help that the loudest voice in your head right now is Dear Old Dad, who told you from the time you were tiny that you had to get in shape, that you’d be so much happier if you just lost weight. You’re smart and pretty enough but you won’t get a boyfriend until you lose weight and have clear skin. Losing weight will make your problems go away, he said.
I do not know how to make that voice go away. I do not know how to believe in my own worth as a human. I do not now how to believe I am worth loving regardless of what a scale says. I do not know how to be happy. I have no idea what that might even look like.
And for fuck’s sake, if people tell me to pray one more time, I will set something on fire.
What can I do?
Who the fuck even knows?
Hey girl.
You’ve been feeling bad for awhile now, but we chalked it up to stress about work and quarantine, anxiety about the future, pretty normal stuff that lots of people are going through. But you’ve also noticed that you actually look pretty bad lately. Your skin isn’t very clear, your clothes aren’t fitting well. It doesn’t help that you have to look at yourself in the stunningly bad lighting and angles of your webcam for meetings and classes, which you can’t really get out of.
And it does not make things feel great to know that you’ve gained nearly twenty pounds since February. That’s not great. It doesn’t help that you’ve gone from a more active lifestyle in China, with a more active schedule, food that isn’t as greasy. It doesn’t help that exercise is so fraught because you’ve internalized years of comments from people you trusted that equate your value to your weight and looks. It doesn’t help that being isolated has reminded you how much you want interaction and a partner and don’t feel like you deserve that on the best of days.
It doesn’t help that the loudest voice in your head right now is Dear Old Dad, who told you from the time you were tiny that you had to get in shape, that you’d be so much happier if you just lost weight. You’re smart and pretty enough but you won’t get a boyfriend until you lose weight and have clear skin. Losing weight will make your problems go away, he said.
I do not know how to make that voice go away. I do not know how to believe in my own worth as a human. I do not now how to believe I am worth loving regardless of what a scale says. I do not know how to be happy. I have no idea what that might even look like.
And for fuck’s sake, if people tell me to pray one more time, I will set something on fire.
What can I do?
Who the fuck even knows?
no subject
Date: 2020-04-23 10:04 am (UTC)Give yourself a break, try and make sure you are eating some protein every day (we crave sugar when we're stressed), and take the dogs for a walk for some fresh air and to stretch yours legs. Everything else can wait until after we're no longer in a global pandemic.
Your worth is not tied to your weight, that's white supremacist cisheterosexist patriarchy talking that wants you to feel bad about yourself. Every time you push back against the voice in your head's bullshit that's what you're pushing back against.
As for people telling you to pray, I don't remember the bit in the bible about Jesus wanting you to be a certain body shape. He'd be super proud of you for not murdering your brother though, I definitely remember there being a whole thing about that!
*sending hugs*
no subject
Date: 2020-04-23 11:21 pm (UTC)Hugs and hugs back.
no subject
Date: 2020-04-23 02:19 pm (UTC)The best you can do is fight. Resist every bad, wrong lesson you were taught about your self-worth and listen to smart people like
Would you like a card? DM me your mailing address. Lemme know if you want it fannishly-inclined or not.
no subject
Date: 2020-04-23 11:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-04-23 04:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-04-23 11:18 pm (UTC)