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Five weeks and counting
Feb. 28th, 2020 02:52 pmIt’s been five weeks since I left my apartment for what I thought would be a brief and enjoyable vacation. Five weeks that saw my life and the lives of many of my close friends and neighbors thrown into chaos as the corona virus swept through China and spread out.
It’s been a weird time, friends. Of all the things my anxiety-driven imagination conjured when I took a leap to move to a new country, this was not even on my list. It is also the thing that made me realize that I have come to view Shenzhen as home, as a home, and I did not expect that. Nothing like being forced to stay away from a place to make me really want to go there. Although, given the contrarian edge to my personality, I probably should have expected that.
This is the first week where I feel a little bit steadier in the midst of all the uncertainty. This is the week where I finally accepted that I’m going to be here awhile, which has allowed me to start to build a routine. As of now, we are still scheduled to resume classes on March 23, although Hong Kong is not opening until at least April 20, and Japan has just closed all its schools for a month, so I’m pretty resigned to another extension at this point.
This week, I logged out of Facebook and left a bunch of group chats because they really stoked my anxiety. I can’t handle the constant speculation and picking apart of rumors. The group chats took on an increasingly negative tone. I don’t like group chats to begin with. If you want to stay in contact (as a couple of the ladies’ chats I was in purported), well, you can message me directly. Venting is one thing — it’s completely necessary to have people you trust to whom you can barf out your feelings and fears. But when that is the only communication we’re having? Sorry, I am going to excuse myself from the conversation.
The routine has been really helpful, though. I usually take my mom to work so I can have the car for the day. One of the definite downsides of my small town (small in population, sprawling in area) is that there is no public transportation. Plus it’s been really cold. Plus I’m lazy af. So I take Mom to work then go to a cafe where I get a couple hours of reading and writing in. After lunch, I usually go to a different cafe where I work on lesson plans and grading and answer student emails that have come in the night (the fifteen hour time zone difference is a PAIN). Admittedly, that part does not take long because only three of my students are regularly completing assignments. After dinner, I have “office hours” because it is late morning for my kiddos in China. They never show up, so I get to watch some Netflix and knit, or keep writing. If this sort of schedule was sustainable (as in, I would earn my same salary), I would strongly consider finding a job with these requirements. Consider, but not follow through, because I really miss my kids, miss my classroom. While I do have some extra brain space to be creative right now, my teaching is only about 60% as effective, and that’s not good enough. If I really wanted a less stressful, less demanding, less engaging job, I’d quit teaching altogether. But it’s not worth it.
I’m hopeful I’ll be able to get back soon. My ayi texted last night to say she was finally able to get into my apartment. This is a really good sign because they hadn’t been letting anyone but residents into the apartment complex. Some restaurants have been offering dine-in service again. These are really good signs. So I shall do my best to make good use of the time I have now and be thankful that I have it, because I really, really want to get back to my regularly scheduled life.
It’s been a weird time, friends. Of all the things my anxiety-driven imagination conjured when I took a leap to move to a new country, this was not even on my list. It is also the thing that made me realize that I have come to view Shenzhen as home, as a home, and I did not expect that. Nothing like being forced to stay away from a place to make me really want to go there. Although, given the contrarian edge to my personality, I probably should have expected that.
This is the first week where I feel a little bit steadier in the midst of all the uncertainty. This is the week where I finally accepted that I’m going to be here awhile, which has allowed me to start to build a routine. As of now, we are still scheduled to resume classes on March 23, although Hong Kong is not opening until at least April 20, and Japan has just closed all its schools for a month, so I’m pretty resigned to another extension at this point.
This week, I logged out of Facebook and left a bunch of group chats because they really stoked my anxiety. I can’t handle the constant speculation and picking apart of rumors. The group chats took on an increasingly negative tone. I don’t like group chats to begin with. If you want to stay in contact (as a couple of the ladies’ chats I was in purported), well, you can message me directly. Venting is one thing — it’s completely necessary to have people you trust to whom you can barf out your feelings and fears. But when that is the only communication we’re having? Sorry, I am going to excuse myself from the conversation.
The routine has been really helpful, though. I usually take my mom to work so I can have the car for the day. One of the definite downsides of my small town (small in population, sprawling in area) is that there is no public transportation. Plus it’s been really cold. Plus I’m lazy af. So I take Mom to work then go to a cafe where I get a couple hours of reading and writing in. After lunch, I usually go to a different cafe where I work on lesson plans and grading and answer student emails that have come in the night (the fifteen hour time zone difference is a PAIN). Admittedly, that part does not take long because only three of my students are regularly completing assignments. After dinner, I have “office hours” because it is late morning for my kiddos in China. They never show up, so I get to watch some Netflix and knit, or keep writing. If this sort of schedule was sustainable (as in, I would earn my same salary), I would strongly consider finding a job with these requirements. Consider, but not follow through, because I really miss my kids, miss my classroom. While I do have some extra brain space to be creative right now, my teaching is only about 60% as effective, and that’s not good enough. If I really wanted a less stressful, less demanding, less engaging job, I’d quit teaching altogether. But it’s not worth it.
I’m hopeful I’ll be able to get back soon. My ayi texted last night to say she was finally able to get into my apartment. This is a really good sign because they hadn’t been letting anyone but residents into the apartment complex. Some restaurants have been offering dine-in service again. These are really good signs. So I shall do my best to make good use of the time I have now and be thankful that I have it, because I really, really want to get back to my regularly scheduled life.
